Preparing an Autistic Child for a Religious Ceremony

Religion and autism

I recently attended a Bat Mitzvah for an autistic girl.

It was very impressive. This girl had to go through a lot in order to complete a complicated religious ceremony.

Will this be a personal experience?

My son is not going to have a Mitzvah or a confirmation. As a matter of fact, religion doesn’t really play a huge part in our lives.

However, I still want to support my family, friends, and associates.

Why this Bat Mitzvah?

I was invited to attend the Bat Mitzvah for a friend’s daughter. 

My reaction was positive because it was going to be my first ever Mitzvah experience. 

What happened?

Turns out, I not only observed this complex ceremony but also participated (somewhat). Megan included me in a small part. It was touching.

I walked away impressed by just what it takes to prepare for a ceremony that has been around for thousands of years.

What was my experience?

The Mitzvah has been around for thousands of years (in various forms). It was a complicated ceremony that required full participation from the individual.

It is a lot of work and takes a lot of determination. What a commitment.

What did I learn about how to prepare for a religious ceremony?

A Jewish child can choose an abridged ceremony or the full ceremony.

My friend’s daughter chose the full ceremony. That in itself, I was told, was considered impressive due to her issues not only with autism, but with anxiety.

To prepare, the child has to attend classes to practice the one thing in a Mitzvah ceremony that has made many a thirteen-year-old’s knees tremble, speak Hebrew.

(My husband told me that his friend had nightmares about that part of the ceremony.)

Even though the daughter had committed to the full ceremony, she worried about the Hebrew. She practiced diligently, never missed a class, and the text by heart. 

However, she still had anxiety.

What about the ceremony?

Here’s the truth… A child with autism has to get up in front of a large gathering and speak a foreign language.

This brave kid wants to do this, but when the event is right in front of her, it will mean a lot of pressure. First and foremost, her own fear.

Understand the fear

I get very nervous when I have to talk in front of people. I don’t have autism.

Some people have a knack for that sort of thing and others (me) do not. Public speaking is a horrifying experience for me, especially when I notice all the eyes in the room are on me. When I realize I am the one talking.

The ceremony

An autistic thirteen-year-old with anxiety reads English and Hebrew passages and partakes in a long and complicated ceremony.

Guess what, she did great.

I believe he was well prepared. She drew on her studies and found the confidence to succeed.

Were there hiccups?

The Hebrew wasn’t perfect (not that I would really know). Like thirteen-year-olds before her, she stumbled a few times.

However, she did a fantastic job, she dealt with it.

If she stumbled, she either began again or plowed through.

A high point

My favorite point was when she began to read a passage in Hebrew, stumbled once or twice, then announced, “Shoot, I’m starting again.”

She did.

I gave her a save on that one. She took a breath and started over.

Autism Basics

Remember, our kids—once they’ve committed to something—have a tendency to want to be perfect. If you tell them you’ll pick them up at 5:30 and you’re there at 5:31, some kids struggle with that. They strive for perfection and expect preciseness in return.

Do they need to learn flexibility?

Definitely. My point is that once they know they really want something, they are determined to get it.

This young girl decided she wanted to do this right. She had worked hard and she was going to get through it.

Determination galore. And, success—for an autistic person.

A take-away

Our kids can do these things, and don’t let anyone tell you our kids can’t.

Autistic kids can do many things that typicals can do. Our kids can be just as determined and focused and can have all of the same successes.

Encourage our kids

Offer things, listen to their concerns, give them proper instructions, and please let them try.

They can do it. I’m sure of it.

Here is one guide to religion and autism:

http://www.thinkingautismguide.com/2011/06/religion-and-autism.html

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