Autism and pre-teens

Do kids with autism go through any typical pre-teen changes?

I’d say the answer is yes.

Kids with autism are still kids. 

Mine just turned twelve and here are some things I’ve noticed in the last year.

The pre-teens

–More arguing
–More questioning of “why” he has to do something
–Testing his boundaries more than ever
–A desire for more independence

All typical development, and then some (per the autism).

Does my son struggle with autism and pre-teens?

Yes. For example, my son has struggled in the past with following two or three step instructions, which is typical of kids with autism.

In addition, my son has always lacked patience. Sometimes, I swear it’s not getting any better now that his teen years are knocking on his door.

What part of this is good?

I believe most of it is good.

I certainly can’t stop it from happening. It means he’s growing up.

He has definitely expressed an interest in becoming more independent. One way he decided to gain more independence is asking me to not walk him all the way to school.

I now walk him only part of the way. In addition, there have been a few times when he’s forgotten to bring homework home. I’ve let him go back to the school by himself and get his homework. 

He seems to appreciate the opportunity and I trust him.

Walking alone

My son knows how to cross streets, and he knows how and where to enter the school.

He does respond well to being given some responsibility. Furthermore, when he succeeds, he’s proud of himself.

Independence

Another pre-teen step is my son’s desire to sit next to me in the passenger seat of the car.

My husband and I have decided—for now—to only let him do this on local rides. But, on freeways rides, we’re still asking him to sit in the back.

My son appreciates this “advancement” in his life. He likes to feel grown up.

What other things do you still struggle with?

Some of the things I mentioned above are tough for both on us. My son argues more now. Above all, when he argues, he wants an answer that satisfies him.

Admittedly, my answers are (apparently) not always satisfying.

For me

If I can’t explain something right away (or I’m pressed for time), I tell my child I will explain it later. To my pre-teen, that is an unsatisfying answer.

My pre-teen is more demanding. He’s an in-the-moment person. In other words, that part of his pre-teen behavior is sometimes a struggle.

Boundaries

Also, he is testing his boundaries more.

He’s threaten, “What if I didn’t do what you say?”

The first time he said this to me, I was caught off guard. My responses became something like, “I’ll have to up the consequences.”

A battle

Yes,  we have escalated to the point where both of us are in a battle.

And, yes, I can see when it’s just a pre-teen thing verses an autism thing.

How do I know for sure?

For example, my son is much better at avoiding meltdowns. I can see them building, but I can also see him working on it internally.

A few times he has avoided one, when in the past there was very little chance of that happening.

Being positive

I have complimented him on his successes.

I tell him it means something when you “don’t” get all worked up.

The take-away

There’s no stopping my son getting older. And, there’s going to be no stopping him from becoming a teenager.

I know this. Most of the time, I welcome it.

It is still two-fold, however, autism and pre-teen.

But, I signed on for this ride a long time ago. So, bring it on.

Here is some information on autism and teenagers with autism:

http://www.crchealth.com/troubled-teenagers/autism-in-teenagers/

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